The rubberband on my wrist and the socks on my feet.

Yeah...random title but oh well.

Anywhoo, Last night my sister had all of her friends over and we ran around like crazy people in the fields surrounding the property around midnight. It was freezing, but it was a lot of fun. (and that way I didn't get to eat a lot)
I slept in a leather reclining chair for the past 2 nights in a row because of those teenagers haha. And tonight I'm heading up the mountain to stay the night with some friends of mine. Normally I'd be thrilled to get my drink on, but one of my friends is a sober steady-church goer...So yeah, our of respect to her we try to keep from having that kind of fun around her. Time fine for a night of Apples to Apples and Disney movies. Being 21 is epic.

Hm, what else, what else... Oh, I rented a spirituality book from my library and I've been reading it, it's pretty cool. Goes on about being closer to whatever god you believe in and/or the Universe and/or the world itself. Then there's like...meditating stuff in there and mantras and other neat stuff like that, which is what I've been looking for for years. Cause, okay I'm like...semi- Christian I guess? I hate going to Church, Haaaate it, and i hate being preached to or taking bible lessons and all that stuff. But I believe in all the other stuff. But then I love meditating, it chills me out and makes living easier. So hell, now I figure I can easily do both and combine everything in a way that suits my style. Super epic. =D

So yeah, now I have like...my religiousness randomness is all settled. I haven't worked in weeks though, I might quit my job because he hasn't given me any hours and it's so ridiculous.

Wow, I must have felt like getting my thoughts out, huh? Lol, it's okay, you don't have to read the whole thing you know? But i do have a question for you.

If you had a non-life threatening secret that you knew would make most of your friends and/or family look at you differently for the rest of your life...but you felt like you were being a bad person for not telling them...would you tell them anyway? Because I'm starting to feel bad that the only people who know that I'm bi are across the country and don't know me in real life...-sigh- ANYWHOO

I think that's all for today luvs. Wish me luck on not eating gross fatty horrible food tonight!!!

Stay amazing. <3

=)

Heterosexual? ❒

Bisexual? ❒

Homosexual? ❒

Human ✔

;.;

I went to town the other day and as I stood in front of a store, looking at my reflection in the large glass windows I was kind of shocked. 

 In my little sisters skinny jeans, with high heeled boots and my baggy Indian top There were no rolls of fat, no cellulite bumps. I couldn't see the streak of fat that always escapes the underside of underwear. I could stand with my feet shoulder-width apart and I could see through my thighs. My arms looked thin and when I walked I didn't look like a school mascot in a bulky costume they weren't allowed to take off. I looked graceful and tall...

I wanted to break down and cry because for the first time in months I didn't feel like the cow I am.

Oh those happy days.

Don't you just love em? Yesterday, I was such a good girl. Only 500 calories and I did my crunches and pushups. This morning I was 154.0. on the DOT!!  I'm happy. It's the lowest I've been so I know that I'll be 153 tomorrow. For sure I'll be less than 150 in two weeks.

Maybe I'm just shallow, but I'm more motivated that I'm staying the night with my friends in two weeks than I was just doing stuff on my own. I want them to look at me and go 'damn. I'm jealous of her will power'.  I'll wear my little sisters jeans and my new boots and keep myself in check while they gorge themselves on junk food. I'll bring my star bucks coffee grounds and some low cal cocoa mix to make my coffee in the morning, too. It'll be another good day.

my family life

...yup............My parents need to get divorced.....they just need to end it.  You know it's true when the child can even see that there's absolutely no love in the house any more.

But my mom wont because she refuses to find a job to support herself and he wont because he's dyslexic and needs her to file his taxes.

SO instead they fight over the bed (which something got spilled on) and apparently they can't share the two couches in the living room. That's right. There's two couches and she wont let him sleep on one of them.  If the time comes when i can't even share TWO couches with my husband, I'm just going to end it. Because that's not a healthy relationship.

America today

You know...My mother made fish for dinner. Fish and french fries. Fish and chips...whatever. Sitting across from my brother while he eats is the perfect reason to not eat...
Using his fingers he picked up two fries, before he finished chewing them, another two, still he hasn't swallowed. Another two. Then he sucks three of his fingers and swallows what he'd open mouth chewed. Like cud.

Then his picks his fork up....wrong, might i add. And just uses it to hold his fried fish in place while he rips off the end...which he then picks up with his fingers and shoves into his mouth....two more fries, three more fries.

Is it too hard for him to chew with his mouth shut?
He sucks on his fingers again, three of them...only now the other hand.


Now he's picking at the last of he crumbs. This is all happening as I'm typing this...it disgusts me.  He just picked up the whole fried fish with his hand and took a bite without his fork. Like it's a poptart or something. I don't know how he can do it....wow dave what the fuck. He just hit the kitten in it's ear when it came up to him, like he was scared it would take his food. It's good motivation, both to not eat and to make sure any kids i have in the future know how to use a damned fork.

Chew chew chew chew chew his mouth's hanging open as he does it. URG GROSS

Friggin why?

My sister turned seventeen the other day and she's in love with underwear, so I decided to get get a gift card to Victoria's Secret.....

That was probably the most awkward store I've ever been in. The lady in front of me took forever so I stood there, towering over everyone and feeling like a cow. The lady behind the register, sure, was obese, but all the costumers weren't. All of the posters on the walls made me feel like it was a crime to be 155 pounds. To have scars on your face, imperfect hair and/or makeup and to be wearing anything above a two. =(

That's the freaking ironic thing though, My thighs are now officially smaller than my little sister...but i stil feel huge. I hate this. HATE it!

-sigh- Well...anyway after I got out of there she loved the gift card, that's what matters. =)