Good times

I've breached the 160's again, finally. I wasn't kidding when I said that I'd gained more weight. I went from 155 to 175. -shudder- I can't believe I gained that much back. Oh well. I'm so happy. It's just that much closer to getting back to where I was before.

Also. I found this and thought it fit pretty well, mostly. Lol

Ice pops are for winners

I knew about them, Mmm they really hit the spot. My brother get's a certain kind that say 0 calorie. I don't trust that so I stick them at 5 calories each since...

-adjusts non existent glasses fr history lesson-

The FDA allows manufactures to label food items as 0 calories if said food items are less than 5 calories.So the 0 calorie 20 pack of gum could actually be 100 calories! BOOO FDA SUCKS!!!!


okay then. Yes, I love ice pops, they're so yummy. Props to Vampire <3

Cutie

Oh Vampire. you make me smile. ^.^ I'm kind of scared of it too, in a sense. I think it's mostly because I'm a virgin though. I dunno.

I don't find the book scary though. -evil grin-

Oh so let's see here. Today's a good day I think. I had some soup earlier. And I'm drinking some chai geen tea with honey. Mmmmmm. I'm getting a little hungry though now so I don't know what to eat. I'm at like 300 calories so I have quite a big to go for today to be a healthy day. -rubs chin-

I mean, I've eaten like... all the frozen fruit we have. I don't feel like making a salad. Maybe I'll make some muffins?......Actually that sounds kind of good.

BAKING TIME!!!

Sooooo..... heeheehee

Okay... Let's get this out of the way. I havent gained weight. I've been a good girl. I'm happy...mostly. So on and so forth.

Onward to the main topic!

Fifty Shades of Grey! Have you read it? No... READ IT. Oh my freaking God. That is the single most erotic book I've read in my life and I' only half way finished with it.

Let me give you a little run down of it so far.
Rich bossy guy.
Attraction
flirtation
sex contract
sex room (with lots and lots of toys)
Dom/Sub contract
Lots of sex
spanking
and that's where I am right now, haha.

Yeah... It's pretty great. Damn... This virgin thing really sucks. Lol! Oh well. I can day dream for now. So yeah, that's what I wanted to spot about. This book... yeah. It's got me all giddy. And there's two more books after it.

AND they want to turn it into a movie... yes please PLEASE!!!

Post # 100 =)

Hi everyone! (or hi two people, judging from how many people I actually think read these) Well, it's my 100th post. How crazy!! I went back and reread everything I've written. Sheesh, it's been that long ago since I started this blog? I'm getting old.

Well, let's have a 100th post recap. ^.^ My sister is not a whore, and I'm sorry for ever even thinking that. Yeah, she was getting it on with her boyfriend in our bedroom, but he's the only guy she's even been with and they've been living together at his moms house for 6 months! So far, so good. I'm happy that it's working out because her boyfriend is a good guy.

Amber still sucks... moving on.

I'm still Pagan. (and i still love Christians, Lol) It's working out great and, in that aspect anyway, I'm happy.




My brother.... ugh. He's 14 now, almost 15 (kill me) and I finally agreed t help him eat healthier. Here's the kicker, he refuses to eat vegetables. yay.
Also, he got on the scale today. He's 215 pounds. O.O A 14 year old boy should not weigh that much.
So... yeah. I'm going to be keeping an eye on him. I laid down guide lines.
-No soda
-no chips
-no top ramen (he crunches it up and eats it raw like a snack, then makes a bowl of it in soup form to eat. That's around 800 calories by itself!)
-he's not allowed to take the golf cart to the neighbors anymore. He now has to walk.
I'm putting him at a 2000 calorie thing right now, since he's still growing and all. That's how much he needs. But I'm going to make sure the foods he gets it from are healthier than junk. That alone will help him.

Now, to the main event!..... I made a booboo. -_-;; Now... I didn't go over 2000 calories, BUUUUT I ate an entire bag of hot cheetos yesterday. (ducks from boo's and thrown rotten fruit) I'm sorry I'm sorry!! Even though I didn't go over 2000 (which is still over my limit, but that's the total cap I've given myself in case I make a booboo) But a whole bag of hot cheetos is HORRIBLE to eat I know. The fridge is stocked with fruits and vegetables... we even have a whole pineapple! Why didn't I eat healthier?

-rubs head- But, I got up from my pit of shame and dusted myself off. Today I've done a LOT better and I'm going to ignore yesterday and try not to make it happen again.

So... Yeah. Yay me! Lol

Setbacks

Years ago, when i began over eating, then just a few years ago with it drastically flipped to hardly eating anything, I never really thought about the difficulties in...being normal again.

I would watch dozens of eating disorder / diet / obesity / and food documentaries online, and there was always someone who was trying to recover from their personal eating issues. I would think, pft. Come on, get over it already. You want to be healthy, so be healthy. Can't be that hard you know? Now that I'm living it, I totally get it. Binge eating, restricting, it's not something you can just vanquish over night.

Yesterday I ate so much that I didn't bother adding it all into the My Fitness Pal account I made. I don't even have friends on it, but I just didn't want to see the evidence. It was really bad after everyone went to sleep. Or did it? I don't even remember the calorie amount, because of how messed up my sense of normalcy is, It probably was just 2000 calories. That's NORMAL. But then again, it could have been 3 or 4000, I didn't count.

But that was yesterday. I'm over it. Decided to start new today and just put that behind me. Well fuck my life because it's 5:15 pm (17:15) and I've only had less than 250 calories. Around noon i had a bowl of cereal. That was it.

So yeah.. I'm starting to realize that keeping your mindset focused on "healthy" is really hard when you've dealt with such a warped sense of self for so long. I'm going to go find something to eat right now... then have dinner in a few hours. Since I stay up till 3 AM usually, I'll eat something else around 10 tonight too. Maybe that'll make up the calorie difference.

Unusual complications

=) Thank you vampire. You're such a sweetheart I swear. <3

I'm feeling a lot better now. Family, bah. Who needs them... Well... i do Lol! But not that side of the family.

I took another big step today. I deleted my myfitnesspal account. I'd had it for a long time and it was set with a max of 800 calories on it. Also, I had a lot of my ED friends on it so it didn't seem... right to keep it any more.

SO I made a new one! xD I'm all alone on it right now, but that's okay. I entered my information, set healthy realistic goals and there ya go.  There's a downside though... I ate three times today and it still says I have over 1000 calories left to eat. O.O

This is gonna be hard, that's SO much food, omg!!!

Maybe I'll have a second dinner later on and have a veggie wrap with fruit on the side, that sounds really good...

But it's also like... only 400 calories for all of it. -hangs head- I'm not under eating, I swear, But.. just... holy crap dude. xD I'm going to need to eat double what I usually do......

Huh... could it be the only reason I was maintaining/gaining was because I was binging? I would say fasting did it too, but I never gained after a fast, I only gained like a week later because I ended up eating a billion pounds of food when everyone was sleeping. -rubs head- This is so weird...

Maybe I shouldn't work out? Well.. no because I want to tone up. Murr... so difficult, seriously. Okay. I'll have a veggie wrap, fruit and some soup! ... That's got to be at least 600 calories, right?

>.> -pouts- This is hard... I can't even tell when I'm hungry because of how I screwed myself up. Okay, but wait!.... It's not that bad. At least I'm eating. Better to struggle to eat to much than struggle to eat at all. Maybe later I'll have some hotcocoa too and a fruit smoothie or something!! ^.^ So far... I think today's okay. =) Yes, I do.