Good times are a-rolling

Okay, so I'm going vegetarian again. I would go vegan, but it's a real hassle when you live with a lot of people who get irritated when I can't eat with them. Anyway, not important. I'm on day three of not eating meat and frankly, I feel great. If you're thinking about giving up on meat, here are two links that gave me the push I needed. Beware, they're like, an hour each but damned if they aren't effective. (No, it's not meet your meat. I go out of my way to avoid that horrible thing so I don't bawl my eyes out.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-F8whzJfJY&list=FL64Jo9MCCGAvgvGtm3ANQyw&index=2&feature=plpp_video


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCojVjwJP7o&list=FL64Jo9MCCGAvgvGtm3ANQyw&index=1&feature=plpp_video

Anyway, This morning I had a banana and orange juice smoothie with some agave nectar, I tried not to count the calories since it's breakfast and... well... important (I think around 200 though =/).

For a snack I had some sunflower seeds.

 Lunch time! Well, ...Lunch/dinner. I wake up at 11am-noon every day so "lunch time" is my breakfast, my lunch is around 4 and my dinner is around 8. I go to bet at 2-3 am so it works out.

Mmm Take one potato. I had one and a half because they were smaller than my fist. Steam them (in an half-open baggy in the microwave for 5-6 minutes works fine), cut it in half and scoop out the middle. Put the scooped parts in a bow and mix a little almond milk with a vegetable bullion cube (or normal veggie stock if you got it) and make some mashed potatoes in your bowl!
Add salt, pepper, chili powder, garlic powder and onion powder, mix it well, then put the mashed potato back into the potato skins and bake for 15 minutes on 350 degrees. It's delicious, filling, and one medium potato is around 150 calories. Not to mention the crap-ton nutritional stuff that's in it if you eat the skin. And I mean a lot. I thought potatoes were just starch, but no, they have a lot of potassium and all kinds of goodies Win-win.

I got this idea from the Vegan Zombie on youtube. "ZombieGate" He's awesome
(and cute) and he makes a TON of vegan recipes even thought the world is being over run by zombies all around him (that's his...thing Lol!) He made it with  sweet potatoes , so yeah, you can make it however you want. ^.^

If you can't tell, I'm in a good mood lol. Later beautifuls. <3

ednos blows

So hey guys. Do you ever remember a time when things just weren't going your way? like, you were trying to change them, and it didn't work. But then slowly, over time, it became the way you wanted it and you were happy?

Well I don't. Because it hasn't fucking happened yet.

Fuck. I have NEVER felt this conflicted in my life. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to suck it up and to not restrict to lose weight, because it seriously fucked me up. At night, I'll lay in bed thinking "Hey, I'll fast for a few days" Then I wake up and I'm life "Nah, fasting isn't healthy. Tie to just eat right!" But then through the day I've only had 1,000 calories an I end up feeling guilty for fucking eating.

What normal person feels guilty for doing something nessassary for survival? Fuck....this is fucked.

fuck fuck fuck....cussing helps me feel better, deal with it.

Okay so... -deep breath- Let's think about this. I, in my youthful exuberence, thought "I'll starve for a bit to lose weight then stop. It's only girls with anorexia who don't stop"

Then I lost 45 pounds and was like "Hey, that was easy. I'll lose ten more"

then BAM 20 pound weight gain for the chubber!! Then, on top of starving, I ate because I felt guilty for gaining weight and it was only THEN that I realized how fucked I was.

Underweight girls are "Anorexic"

Normal weight girls who vomit are "Bulimic"

Overweight girls who eat a lot are  "Binge Eaters"

...then there's girls like me. A mixture of two or three of those things at a time. A girl too fat to me anorexic. Who doesn't vomit enough to be bulimic, and who restricts too many days out of the month to be a binge eater.

I knew a long time ago ehat I was just classifies as EDNOS "Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified" But it took a while (aka just recently) For me to really grasp how deep that goes. It doesn't mean I'm separate from those girls. That I'm different from them.

I AM THEM. And it fucking sucks. Normal girls don't think 1000 calories is a binge. Normal girls don't burn 200 calories and STILL think 800 calories is too much.

This was just a rant guys, sorry. It just...bugs me. I'm in a hole and I can't get out even if I pretend otherwise.

Been a while

Hey lovelies. Let's just straight back into business shall we?

It's been a while since I've posted anything on here, shame on me, I know. Still, 4,027 page views, holy fuck who is reading this shit?! LOL They may not have commented on anything, but people keep looking at my stuff. Interesting. Oh well who cares, hello.

Anyway, like I said, straight to business. I've fallen off the band wagon, oops? I can't even be mad at myself because it seems so normal. Trying to eat healthy was what felt weird. I felt like a cow. And although I didn't gain from it, I sure felt like I did.

A week or two ago I'd fasted for three days, which I've done before so it's pretty easy. Then I've been restricting. Maybe fast for a day, then more restricting.no a good idea. i know

(yes, i know, not a healthy mindset at all)

I get kind of sad sometimes when I watch other people. I've had to put my little brother on a diet. He's 15 and 215 pounds....yeah he's big. His tits are as big as mine. ANYWAY he's got a limit of 2,000 calories. Isn't that sad? 2,000 is a restriction for this kid cause he eats SO freaking much. To me, I was trying to eat 1,500 to 2,000 calories and I hated myself for it every day. Even though that's how normal people eat, ugh, hate it.

Kinda wish I could go back in time and make sure that I don't go down this road, but then I wouldn't have gotten any of the good habits I've picked up. Smaller plates, almond milk, vegetarian meats, not over eating on the junk food. I was 200 lbs when I started, I'd probably be 220 by now. So yeah...anyway. Enough for now

Love you all, later

Good times

I've breached the 160's again, finally. I wasn't kidding when I said that I'd gained more weight. I went from 155 to 175. -shudder- I can't believe I gained that much back. Oh well. I'm so happy. It's just that much closer to getting back to where I was before.

Also. I found this and thought it fit pretty well, mostly. Lol

Ice pops are for winners

I knew about them, Mmm they really hit the spot. My brother get's a certain kind that say 0 calorie. I don't trust that so I stick them at 5 calories each since...

-adjusts non existent glasses fr history lesson-

The FDA allows manufactures to label food items as 0 calories if said food items are less than 5 calories.So the 0 calorie 20 pack of gum could actually be 100 calories! BOOO FDA SUCKS!!!!


okay then. Yes, I love ice pops, they're so yummy. Props to Vampire <3

Cutie

Oh Vampire. you make me smile. ^.^ I'm kind of scared of it too, in a sense. I think it's mostly because I'm a virgin though. I dunno.

I don't find the book scary though. -evil grin-

Oh so let's see here. Today's a good day I think. I had some soup earlier. And I'm drinking some chai geen tea with honey. Mmmmmm. I'm getting a little hungry though now so I don't know what to eat. I'm at like 300 calories so I have quite a big to go for today to be a healthy day. -rubs chin-

I mean, I've eaten like... all the frozen fruit we have. I don't feel like making a salad. Maybe I'll make some muffins?......Actually that sounds kind of good.

BAKING TIME!!!

Sooooo..... heeheehee

Okay... Let's get this out of the way. I havent gained weight. I've been a good girl. I'm happy...mostly. So on and so forth.

Onward to the main topic!

Fifty Shades of Grey! Have you read it? No... READ IT. Oh my freaking God. That is the single most erotic book I've read in my life and I' only half way finished with it.

Let me give you a little run down of it so far.
Rich bossy guy.
Attraction
flirtation
sex contract
sex room (with lots and lots of toys)
Dom/Sub contract
Lots of sex
spanking
and that's where I am right now, haha.

Yeah... It's pretty great. Damn... This virgin thing really sucks. Lol! Oh well. I can day dream for now. So yeah, that's what I wanted to spot about. This book... yeah. It's got me all giddy. And there's two more books after it.

AND they want to turn it into a movie... yes please PLEASE!!!