Restraint

Yesterday I had about 450 calories. Then around midnight I had half of a muffin. This morning My scale said I lost a pound so no regrets.
Today mom walked in with half a bag of cheddar sun chips. I was like O.O Whyy?! I haven't touched them though, so that's good. And now mom wants me to eat some crab cakes she made...with mayo. That she also fried. -sigh- I'm going to take three of my metabolism/diet pills before hand, I mean so far today I'm at 0 calories so I should be fine.

At least it's something.

I'm at 165, haven't been there in a month, so It's something. only 10 more pounds until I'm where I was at my low

It's been a while

Long story short, I'm broke, fat and generally just...ugh. The last time I felt like this, I ended up starting off my biggest weight loss dip. Time to stop being such a lazy fuck, this is just a little ridiculous. Last Thanksgiving, I remember I just had a salad with some turkey....I've eaten SO much fucking food in the last few days. I'm 167 right now, horrifying, More than ten pounds from my lowest weight. I don't want to look at myself again until I start going back down again.

Okay...now that that's over, let me see...what other things have happened... Oh! My ex boyfriend sent me an email (it's been a year since we spoke) And he was all "I think I'm okay enough to talk to you again"
I was like.....really? It takes you a year to get over a girl who lives in another country? You have problems.  Anyway, at first he was go on about being confused and that he wanted to be friends, then he just got insulting. "Though it seems you've gone anti-religion on facebook, and you have some terrible misconceptions (God approving of Gay people, Lol, really??)"
That's what he said, literally. I was so stunned, Was he trying to apologize or be a dick?! So after I replied (and I was VERY nice btw, I didn't even comment on the gay thing) He totally turned around and started going "It's your fault we broke up, not mine. It's not because I told you to study more about my religion, blah blah blah". It was a totally different tune. So i was like "Pft...screw this, i don't have to be nice to this guy"

I kinda went GI Jane on his ass. "Yup, it's my fault. You're crazy, your family's crazy, your expectations are crazy and I don't even want to be just friends with you anymore"....only in a lot more words and it sounded cooler. Haha. I told him I wasn't anti-religions, but I didn't like when I would post a quote from Buddha, or the Dali Llama or...I dunno, Albert Eignsteign or something like that and end up having my "friend" comment with a Bible quote that contradicted what I just put. It's rude!!I don't do that when she puts something that Christ said on her wall! So yeah, I'm anti-asshole, not anti-religion.Okay, here's what I put, Lol
" I wish it were different, but i have to agree with you I've changed far too much, i don't think that we would be able to maintain a sort of friendship like we had without arguing constantly about moralities. Here are a few that I had to hide from out while we were dating just to escape your persecution. After all, you did insult a lot of my friends with your way of thinking... I'm pro-choice, always have been. I would rather vote for gay-marraige and the legalization of pot than go to Church. I'm a Pagan and I'm pretty sure I always have been and I've been bi since middle school. Now you know some of the things that have been driving a wedge between us. The break up was entirely on my grounds, I didn't open up to you because you're just like Amber, and i know very well how she would react...judgmentally and without a thought of peoples feelings. I mean, she thinks that Arab's are all Devil spawn! Do you think I want my kids thinking the same thing?! NO! Anyway, Kinda hard to keep a relationship alive and healthy when you're hiding things like that while the person you loved would just bash on certain things without knowing. Again, not your fault, it was my fault, i admit to that. I wish you all the best in your life, With lots of new love and happiness and light and inspiration and success. I'll be lighting incense an candles for you, white ones, to help light your spiritual path to a place that will make you 100% happy. I'll Pray to Ra and Odin for you. "
Yup, the last part was just to be Bitchy. I was pissed at him, so I tried to make him uncomfortable with the other gods. Lol. Next time, I'll find someone who feels secure enough in themselves to have a religion and not feel the need to push it on me. He/She could be Catholic for all I care! Or Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, whatever they want! As long as they don't feel the constant need to want to change me so I fit with them. It can't be that bad, I have no desire to ask whoever I'm with to be Pagan like me, that's just rude...

SO! Yeah, there it is. Burned a bridge, got fat, same old same old.

Day 2

Okay, so far so good. I've only had water so far, don't really feel like eating. I slept in this morning, which helps, and tomorrow I have some work to do...I dunno how I'll scoot around not eating lunch with my mom, but I'll figure something out.

Todays weight: 163.4

Something new. Day 1

Okay. So, when I hit 155, I foolishly assumed "Hey, I've lost almost 50 pounds. I can let off the gas for a bit"

Dumb ass that I was.
SO I'm going to post day by day updates of a fast I'm starting. Right now, today. -nod nod- If I do it daily, then I'll had written proof that I can't just try to ignore when I binge. SO here's how I'm going to do this. Diet pepsi is okay between 2 and 7 PM. All other times I'll drink green tea and water. I don't know how long I'm going to do at this, but I'll stop when I need to.

Day 1.
Starting weight: 165

Here goes everything.

Why I was laid off.

Okay, so this is what happened.
I clean vacation rentals, and since my mom and I are a team, we do them together. Also, because we're new, we'd have "checkers" come around to the house either the day we clean them, or the day after we clean them, just to make sure we did everything right. And for weeks, after 20 houses, we only had to go back to 2. I think that's pretty good for being new.

Well, this bitch checker, who we didn't even meet, waited 2 weeks after we cleaned a house to go in and check it. And surprise surprise, there were dead bugs and dust everywhere. (it's up in the mountains by a lake...so yeah) Anyway, this bitch writes down everything that we did wrong, like she's supposed to, only she goes out of her way to not be specific....at all.
"Bathrooms didn't pass" Okay........why? cause the check list says they did.
"Gaming center is a MESS"...............It had dust on the counter. And the only thing in the gaming center was a freaking pool table, WTF?!

Anyway, this bitch not only writes down a list of the vaguest shit ever, she texts our boss about how horrible and messy the house was and how we should be ashamed and some such shit.
(then we find out that the rentals owners were coming by the next day, so we think they just made this shit up to get us to reclean the house for them without pay)

So anyway, we go in to get our checks a week later and our boss tells us that we seems to be struggling and that Stephanie (the bitch checker we didn't meet) said that the houses were just to bad, so they were laying us off.
Everyone we told about our jobs warned us that they were shady people. No joke, even my dad came home and said that his buddies at work warned us against working there cause their wives/sisters/daughters had worked there at some point. figures.

the bad and the good.

Okay, the bad, I got fired today. No more saving up for an apartment, or even a laptop. It's bullshit, but I guess there's bitches everywhere ruining things for everyone. Unfortunatly, this bitch was a lying bitch. What the fuck ever.


Good news, without something to save for, I spent 40 bucks on low calorie health food, maybe I'll actually lose some god damn weight now.