Thursday, May 26, 2011

I Promise

Okay, in my last post, my cute little ducky Vampire told me to not hate Christians. Well luv I Promise I'm never going to hate Christians. Just like when I was Christian I didn't hate the Jewish people or the Muslim people. ^.^


My family is Christian, as are my friends. The only "Christians" I don't like are the people in the Wesbro church. And that's cause...well...they're insane. I mean, heck, I'm not going to like anyone who wants to protest Obama visiting the poor souls in Joplin Missouri. Apparently this church says that the tornado was Gods way of punishing them for tolerating gay people or something like that.

Other than those people, I'm not going to hate Christians, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists...well anyone really. Lol. I wouldn't hate a whole religion of race. Only a few select people who choose to do horrible things. Like ...Hitler or something, haha. But no, thank you for bringing it up, luv. ^.^ <3<3

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

)o(

If anyone recognizes the sign in the title, then they should know what this post will be about. If not, well i'll fill you in.
It's a Wicca symbol. That's right. I'm throwing inhibition to the wind, I rented some books from the library and I'm going to become a Wiccan. It's kind of an amazing feeling actually, It's something that I can finally connect with after years of jumping from Christian church to church. Bah, was ridiculous.

The funny thing is, in Christianity they all said that God and Jesus was in me...but I never felt them. Ever. However I feel the Goddess like no other. I don't want to hurt my body with week long fasts and month long restricted days of only eating 500 calories. I want to be healthy because I represent someone so special and amazing. I'm thinking this might save my life some day. I'd just keep weakening myself until I had to go to the hospital, you know? I didn't WANT to be healthy. Now I have a reason to.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Unabridged, My before and after picture!!!

okay....yeah...you might not want to look, you'll die. -sigh-

This is me before, about 200 pounds. (remember I'm 5'9")
And the second is me recently. At a size 8. Between 155 and 160 pounds.


Saturday, May 21, 2011

WHA?!

IM ALIVE!! THE WORLD DIDN'T END!!!


.....duh

ANYWAY Lol. Woke up this morning 159 pounds. I'm still 159 pounds. =) Finally back down into the 150's, that's 6 pounds lost in like...4 days. Hell, I'll take it! Haha. I'm in a good mood now, I even ate something. A 180 calorie cinnamon roll for lunch, followed by an hour of cleaning, and I just had a teaspoon of refried beans, spread on a rice cake, with another spoonful of bbq shredded chicken on top. That's my dinner.

I figure since I'm going to be up for another 6 hours, (which for my bmr or w/e, sedentary, should burn almost 400 calories in total) It should be just fine. Before bed I'll do 200 crunches, 20 pushups and a few 20 second planks. Hopefully I'll be 158 tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Owwy

I've been fasting for 42 hours now. I woke up this morning and the side of my face hurts. URG i hate it. Everything's a little achy and I feel kinda worn down.

On the plus side, I lost more weight. I'm at 160 right now.

30 hours

Okay, I'm currently at fasting hour 30. It's almost 31. I dropped down to 161 pounds already, I'm happy.

An hour ago I made bullion cube soup. Beef bullion cube, water, chili powder, pepper, salt and cayenne pepper. 5 calories. I don't consider 5 calories with THAT much spice as breaking my fast, lol. I just needed something hot to drink for once. Now I'm satisfied and I'm going to bed in about an hour.

So yeah. I'm working my way back down there. I expect at least 160 in the morning., then back to the 159's at long last. I'm never gonna be dumb enough to let myself get back to the 160's again, that was just ridiculous.

And if I do it again. YELL at me, reader!!! I need to be yelled at! LOL!! Ah, I loves you. <3<3

Thursday, May 19, 2011

It's a beautiful morni---------afternoooooooon

Hello my luvlies, I'm sorry for the negative posts, I've been on edge about gaining so much stupid weight and my slutty sister and all that. BUT today is a good day.

Yesterday I only had 200 calories. That's a first in like...months. I'm so proud that I'm back in my groove. I had a bullion cube soup with rice noodles and chili powder. Then around 7 that night I had a shit load of lettuce, four shrimp chopped up to go into my salad, and some Italian dressing. I also had half a can of AriZona iced tea until I realized I had diet pepsi in the fridge.

So I went to bed around 3 AM, resist night binging like I used to do every night, and woke up feeling clean and empty. The scale said that I lost weight, so today is a good day. I'm gonna try fasting today and see how that goes. I want to get back to the 150's again.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

It's a good day after a bad night.

Last night was just...horrible. i was doing SO good for myself all day, only around 300 calories. Then people when to bed and I had a piece of triple layer cake and three slices of pizza. I went looking for the bag of Cheetos, luckily I couldn't find them anywhere or they'd be gone. I know it's probably no all that much, but it scared the living shit out of me until I fell asleep.


Okay, shameful time. I was 155, right? I ballooned back up to 165 over the past like...month. So, I'm working for it to go back down. I'm at 163 right now, so slowly but surely I'm getting there again. And this time, I wont stop.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Slutty baby sister update

okay, So most of you read my post about my sister and her boyfriend having sex feet from my bed the other day, right?
Well here's an update for ya.

I have to work today, so I already couldn't sleep in but the lovely sounds of panting and groaning from my sisers bed helped wake me up. Did I lay there and try to ignore them like last time? Nope

I got up right there and started getting ready for work. i kept going in and out of our room so I'd keep inturrupting them, then I sat down by her sisters bed and did I hair and make up. With one final touch I walked out, then right back in to ger a hair tie. I stopped and looked a my sister and her boyfriend and said:

"Oh, by the way. Stop having sex with me in the room. It's gross."
She tried to pull this 'what do you mean' face, but I called her on it.
"No, don't even act dumb. I heard you two yesterday, knock it off. I'm not even joking." And as I walked back out of my room, I looked back and she was staring at the ceiling and her eyes were huge.
Yeah, maybe you'll stop being so disrespectful around me now. I'm rather proud of myself.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

xXx In a state of shock xXx

Ok....Wow....

Um....

So I was in my bedroom, which I share with my 17 year old sister. Her boyfriend's over and they were on her bed watching a movie on his iPhone.  I'm not feeling good so i rolled over to face the wall and I turned on my iPod.

....Well I was looking through my songs after a bit, so they must have thought I was asleep or something and I heard..things.

Yeah they were having sex, three feet from me, when they thought I was asleep. There were comments and words and everything. When he goes home, I'm going to have to have a talk with my sister...because seriously.....Wow.