Have you ever felt...

I have never felt as stupid, incompetent and insignificant in my whole life as I do right now. I literally had to keep myself from breaking down the entire way back from work.

My boss only works me one to two days a week, usually every other week or so. Well, there was a three month spot in there where I didn't work at all. And when I got back to work, everything was different.  Anyway, he taught me to make shakes and wraps today (things we never had on the menu before) but when I was leaving work he called me into his office and sat me down and told me I needed to pay better attention and stop being so slow.

...........................

When I first started work and everything was normal he told me to stop getting the burgers out so fast because people would think they were pre-made. Now I'm not making them, wiping tables and doing dishes fast enough. During work today he made me feel like the WORST kind of idiot. He didn't like the strawberry shakes coloring so he made me leave and re-made it. Every time I'd walk by he'd stop talking to my co-worker, like they were talking about me. While I was cleaning the tables... he told me to clean the tables. He took 7 dollars in tips from this one table cause he served them. (we don't serve people for lunch, it's more like fastfood) but when I handed him a dollar from another table he brought food to he looked at me like I was stupid and put the money in the tip jar. When I worked at Disney world, I NEVER, NEVER felt so stupid and worthless and unable to do something...and Disney world was a lot more demanding. 

 He just keeps CHANGING everything! Every two weeks I go in and BOOM there's something new that I'm doing wrong. I'm going too slow, not slow enough. He looks at me funny when I don't laugh at his stupid jokes, he thinks we're so buddy buddy but we're not. I can't stand the guy. He watches me when I do everything, which makes me nervous, then OOPS I put half a spoonful too much of potato salad. OOPS, I forgot to check the disinfectants ph balance...which turned out to be perfect anyway. It's like he waits for me to fuck up. This stupid job is only paying me 20-30 dollars a week.....it's not even worth it. I already know I'm fucking fat, I don't need to feel fucking stupid too.

In the AM

Good morning my lovelies. I say this because it's currently 1:30 AM. ^.^ Yes, I stay up this late, a normal bedtime for me is around three or four in the morning, not healthy, I know, but I'll deal with changing it when the time comes. The only thing I despise about it right now is that I'm a night eater, so I gorge myself on crap when I stay up. It makes me sick.

Oh well.

How is everyone out there in blog land? I'm fine, nothing major to report really.
Just when I thought that I'd have a some-what steady work schedule again, my boss said that he'll call me if he needs me. Which is Daron speak for ( I'll see you in another three months. Have fun saving up for the laptop now bitch) -sigh- I need a new job, yes?

IDEK

Like the title says, I don't even know. -sigh-

My boss called me and after three months I'm back to working one to two days a week from now on. Hll, I'll take it. It's 40 dollars a week that I didn't have before. I'm going to try to save up as much of it as I possibly can so I can buy myself a new laptop. As it is, mine is kind of...dying. My disk drive wont pop out unless I go to my start menu and right click on disk drive d and click eject. My screen has a blue line and a green line in it, and one this strip that's darker and sometimes more pixely than everything else. My speakers wont work if I try to watch a DVD and there's black spots where my wrists have rubbed away the silver coating under he keyboard.

So yeah... 40 bucks a week...how many weeks do you think I should save before I can afford one? I'm thinking between 15 to 25. Needless to say...it'll take a while.

O.O

.........I don't even know how I'm feeling right now, GOD.

Okay, first today stated out lamish, just little stuff, then it got better, cause that's how the cookie crumbles you know? Anyway, My boss called...yeah after like 3 months of not working. Well it turns out he only called me in for a shift because my dad ended up having a talk with him...fml.

Okay well, i get over that, cause it's money I didn't have before, then I get online and see a post from my friend.....Now, Remember my ex, Colin? The Jehovah's Witness and how he did the door-to-door thing? Ok WELL, my friend Amber went on and on and ON about how different their religions were...Well today she said she just finished going door-to-door asking people if they wanted bible studies in some trailor park by our homes...

Ok, for anyone who does that, I'm sorry, stop reading, whatever, but I can not STAND people who do that. Wtf dude, that's intrusion and ....And... ARG GOD DAMN. Okay, okay maybe it's just because I already HATE Ambers guts. She's a little bitch and said either me and my friends stop drinking or she's not hanging with us anymore...Yeah, she seriously gave us an ultimatum. Some friend. I'm...just....So fucking done with Jesus freaks, you have no idea. Organized religion is never coming back into my life again. I love Jesus, and God, just not the people who take it way too far. Sorry if I offended anyone, but holy crap....ho-ly crap.

-deep breath-

Anyway. I binged all week and didn't gain anything. My one high point for this post. Bye.

Magic Cookie

Yes...that kind of cookie. I had one today and my head is still spinning a bit. I had to put down a book I was really into because one page took me half an hour. my sister had one too, her bf was already flying. So it's like oh boy...I was so stupid for the past few hours. like, 1+1=fish type dumb.

ZZZzzzZZZ

Okay, so for the past few nights I haven't been getting any sleep. I'm talking less than 3 hours. It SUCKED I felt horrible and run down and achy and just generally blah. Last night though I hit the pillow and was out cold. I slept almost 10 hours, it was amazing.

Lol. Just thought I'd say something.

I'm a Robot now. Great.

So my mom and I were watching "coming home" and I was half reading a book and with only like 15 minutes to go, she looks at me when I put my book down and goes "I turned it, I figured you didn't want to watch it." I was like...okay? so I nodded once and gave her a funny look and she goes. "I mean heaven forbid you show any human emotion"
    Of course my scouring the web and new stations for information on japan and almost crying for them doesn't count i guess. I guess being a bitch to me is one of her new hobbies. I hate this, i wish i had the money i need to move out. She's the reason I gained five pounds too, because she doesn't ask me but makes me food then yells at me unless I eat it. I'm so tired of this shit.